A few days ago I did a catwalk show for H. As she's doing an art pre-foundation course at the moment (actually that's not true because she's finished it now) and studying fashion, she needed a model to style the clothes that she's made throughout the year. There was four of them so that meant four clothing changes at breakneck speed in between each walk and speedy it was.
The huge changing room was in a different warehouse to where the fashion show was taking place so as I was running from the catwalk to the other warehouse, I was also trying to take off as many things on the way, in preparation for the twenty second turn around (which is quite hard in heels).
The catwalk was long and on a few occasions we had to walk up and down it twice, which at first struck me with fear because I had never been so nervous about walking in all my life, but as soon as we had done the dress rehearsal before everybody arrived, I wasn't that nervous anymore but just fired up.
It is such a unique feeling that can perhaps only be described if you have done it. I, at first, felt a lot of responsibility to model the clothes that she has been working on throughout the year, as it's almost like giving someone who has no knowledge about something, a pen and asking them to take the exam in your name.
Although, as I gained the useful skill of walking quite a long time ago, I knew that I would be ok; I had also been practicing my fierce walk up and down the hallway in my uni flat when everybody was asleep at 3am for MONTHS. I was taking this shit seriously.
It was such a buzz to have the entire audience looking at me. As a girl that was once a tomboy and always compared to her hotter sister, this was exactly what I needed. I used to be the insecurest person possible when it came to my body and was used to blending in, but over the past year, I have overcome this and am confident on a whole new level. But still, to have people taking my picture (including the PRESS) and clapping as I walked out will be something that I will never forget. It was a big deal for me and as I was powering down that catwalk, I thought to myself, who was that insecure girl that I knew a year ago because if she could see what she would be doing, then maybe she wouldn't have been so uncomfortable about her body. A year ago, I wouldn't have even changed in that huge room with everybody, but I stood there in my underwear without a care in the world and I felt so proud of myself.
So if you are like I was, then please believe me when I say that you are beautiful right now and that appreciating your body for how it is and understanding that no two people look the same will help you to overcome this and to love your body. Don't worry about confidence right now, that will come and soon you won't even have to think about it.
Some people hated the twenty second clothing changes, but I loved it. That too was a massive adrenaline rush and I loved every second of the show.
I walked off the runway for the final time and all I could do was jump up and down and wish that it would happen again because I really did enjoy it.
Maybe I've found a new career path?! Well who knows.