Saturday, 25 January 2014

'The Mould'

I'd got to that point recently when I realised that real friends don't come about easily or sometimes often. Being surrounded by lots of the wrong people can make you feel lonelier than if you were on your own and I know about this because I've spent most of my time in this situation. My friends at school came about because they seemed to be most like me, but in a way they were so much more different and it didn't really work because they would treat me in a way that I didn't want to be treated and I found myself pretending to be somebody that I wasn't. But because I had pretended for so long, it became hard to be myself again; I almost couldn't find it.

That was the case up until last year when I met H and she introduced me to her friends and we all clicked. H was and is the first person to see the real and most genuine me - there was something there that prevented me from keeping my walls up and it was wonderful. But since coming to uni, i'm stuck again where I started from and it feels wrong. I thought that turning up with my real personality from day one was the best way to do it, but it seems that still nobody really gets me. H has taught me that the only way to be is myself, but maybe for now, she's an exceptionally exceptional person. Maybe everybody is too interested in themselves to look for and be interested in another person, which is heartbreaking because why are people becoming more and more like this?
I mean, with one of my friends here, we joke and have a laugh but I don't think there's anything deeper there, which surprises me because I thought that we could be really good friends.

However, last night something quite amazing happened. Me and one of my flatmates went out for somebody's birthday and a mutual friend of my flatmate's was there. We've met eachother quite a few times before, but last night he opened up to me on a whole new level. I could tell that he needed to talk about something and so of all the people that we were out with, I was the only one that was there to listen to him as everybody else walked away. And then because of that, he told me that he has so much respect for me as a person and who I am and that he really enjoyed my company. I had never really connected with him before but all it took was a different situation and both of us showing that we're real for it to actually change into a friendship. But just the fact of knowing that I was there for him when nobody else was and that he was so grateful for that, reminds me that maybe everybody doesn't fit the uninterested and shallow mould that I've so often seen.

So all I can say is that the most unexpected people often seem to be the ones that surprise you, and please whatever you do, don't become one of the people that walk away instead of listening, because somebody will always be grateful that you stayed.

Thursday, 23 January 2014

That Month...

Well hello! I know it's been a ridiculously long time since I've written anything but I've been a bit overwhelmed with busy-ness recently.

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas (even though it feels like so long ago now) but I hope the Christmas cheer was well spread. I certainly had an awesome Christmas.
I got a month off from uni and to be honest, I couldn't wait to get home. I'd been so busy on the lead up to Christmas with assignments that I couldn't wait to see H, chill with my fam, sleep in my own little bed and not have to wear makeup all the time. Before I went back home I hadn't seen H for a month and not seeing her for that long got a bit exhausting; I know that in the grand scheme of things a month isn't a long time, but being without the one person that understands every molecule of you is definitely not easy. I had high hopes for that month (especially because Christmas was right in the middle of it) and I'll tell you what, every second of that month was worth the wait and the build up.

It was magical actually. You know how intense and sparkly and wonderful Nicholas Sparks' books are? (well they sometimes get a bit sad and tragic at the end, but lets ignore that) Well, my month was like that. I was like a glowing little fairy light that you never turn out because I felt so happy. At the start of that month, I had the idea of the wonderful things and prospects that were ahead of me and everything that I had imagined to happen, happened.

I got the coach home and as it made its way through the dark, my excitement escalated because as I sat there on the coach, it was like a different world. With the darkness outside, the dim lights above my seat and my music on, I was already in a world of excitement and magic before I even got home.

I went Christmas shopping with H the day after I got back, and then went and stayed with my sister at her uni that weekend. We had a good time and chilled and did some shopping and had a few too many Jaeger bombs.
Then the Christmas party that I was hosting with H came around. I'd built up this party in my head because H had told me about her one last year and all I could think was that it would be legendary....... Legendary it definitely was.
We spent New Year's Eve together and we had such a fun time. I'm gonna admit that we did drink quite a lot, but it wasn't that horrible drunk where you have absolutely no idea what's happening, it was the moderate drunk that starts out as one drink and ends up as a few more (and then you just laugh at absolutely anything and everything...... and fall off your chair).
We spent the 2nd of January in the city and ate food and drank coffee and saw the fairy lights in the square and walked and saw everything. The city strung in lights is a special kind of enchanting.
The week after that we had coffee by ourselves and with our friends and got a bit too hyped up on caffeine and went to the woods and stood silently staring at a deer about ten feet away from us and considering H had never seen a deer before (I KNOW) we managed to get rid of her theory that deers are a conspiracy theory (I KNOW). Then we headed back to hers and sung our hearts out to our soundtracks.

And just like that, my month was up. After a teary goodbye to H, I left hers and went back to uni a day later. That was a bit like the end to a Nicholas Sparks book; all that magic was somehow now in the past and I couldn't quite function that it was over for a while.

I hope you all had the same magical Christmas that I did and that you spent it with the people that you wanted to.
Until next time....