I'd got to that point recently when I realised that real friends don't come about easily or sometimes often. Being surrounded by lots of the wrong people can make you feel lonelier than if you were on your own and I know about this because I've spent most of my time in this situation. My friends at school came about because they seemed to be most like me, but in a way they were so much more different and it didn't really work because they would treat me in a way that I didn't want to be treated and I found myself pretending to be somebody that I wasn't. But because I had pretended for so long, it became hard to be myself again; I almost couldn't find it.
That was the case up until last year when I met H and she introduced me to her friends and we all clicked. H was and is the first person to see the real and most genuine me - there was something there that prevented me from keeping my walls up and it was wonderful. But since coming to uni, i'm stuck again where I started from and it feels wrong. I thought that turning up with my real personality from day one was the best way to do it, but it seems that still nobody really gets me. H has taught me that the only way to be is myself, but maybe for now, she's an exceptionally exceptional person. Maybe everybody is too interested in themselves to look for and be interested in another person, which is heartbreaking because why are people becoming more and more like this?
I mean, with one of my friends here, we joke and have a laugh but I don't think there's anything deeper there, which surprises me because I thought that we could be really good friends.
However, last night something quite amazing happened. Me and one of my flatmates went out for somebody's birthday and a mutual friend of my flatmate's was there. We've met eachother quite a few times before, but last night he opened up to me on a whole new level. I could tell that he needed to talk about something and so of all the people that we were out with, I was the only one that was there to listen to him as everybody else walked away. And then because of that, he told me that he has so much respect for me as a person and who I am and that he really enjoyed my company. I had never really connected with him before but all it took was a different situation and both of us showing that we're real for it to actually change into a friendship. But just the fact of knowing that I was there for him when nobody else was and that he was so grateful for that, reminds me that maybe everybody doesn't fit the uninterested and shallow mould that I've so often seen.
So all I can say is that the most unexpected people often seem to be the ones that surprise you, and please whatever you do, don't become one of the people that walk away instead of listening, because somebody will always be grateful that you stayed.