In a reply the other day, my sister said, "well I'm not feeling incredible" and that got me thinking about the last time that I felt incredible. I can pin point it. Although it is not a specific moment in time, but more, multiple moments.
The last time that I felt truly incredible was a stretch of time. My semester in California left me waking up every morning thinking, let's do this. I have, of course, had times of incredible since then. The Lady Antebellum concert got me up there, or when I skated with a bunch of rad girls at the skatepark and did my first bottom turn when I was surfing and when I went rollerskating with my friends. But my time in America was a time when I felt incredible for a very long stretch of time.
I was going to school and for most people, that's enough to conjure up feelings of anxiety. I didn't have much but that was all I needed. Put simply, I was going to class and doing stuff in my free time, but to me it was so much more. It was everything. To me it was a life that I had not experienced before.
It was going to Chipotle on a Wednesday night and having the car bass pounding on the way back, it was last minute plans to go and watch a movie every Friday and skipping class to go paddleboarding and going to get pie at 9AM somewhere an hour away just because, with a stop at the beach on the way back and camping on the weekends and two baseball games within a week of eachother and gathering with a cup of tea on a Wednesday night at 11 to watch American Horror Story.
I found happiness in spontaneous trips to Jack in the Box and Starbucks and Target and the garage to get tires rotated and wearing a cap to class and sunsets and the chill of the evening air when coming out of the gym and watching the fog roll up the street.
I was truly content and the happiest that I could fathom. That was two years ago and since then, I have been chasing that feeling. I have been chasing the feeling of being in love with my life. Don't get me wrong, I am happy now but I still want the feeling that I had back then of,
"...You will go from standing in the shower thinking "God what if this is for the rest of my life" to "God, I hope this is for the rest of my life."" (niasvn).
